A Prayer for the Days You Want to Give Up - Your Daily Prayer - September 21

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The day after my daughter, Taylor's, funeral, there was nothing left to do.

No one explains that the days before a funeral are full. There are phone calls, decisions, forms, food, and people in your kitchen. There is a program to approve, and flowers to choose from. Grief has a to-do list, and you work it because that is the only thing holding you upright.

But then it's over. The casseroles are in the freezer. The cards are in a pile on the counter. Everyone has gone back to their own lives, which is right and exactly as it should be. But mercy, it’s hard.

The kids went to school. Matt went to work. And for the first time in twenty-two years, I was alone in my house during the day.

Life had changed and would never change back. Not even for a season. I remember thinking, with extreme clarity, that I would like to stop too. I wanted to stop grieving. Stop waking up, stop doing the next thing, and stop carrying any of it. It’s a grave place to be when you look at life through this lens.

In today’s Scripture, Jehoshaphat is looking at three armies. He's afraid, and he says so out loud in front of everyone. He prays a prayer to end the chapter: "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

Then a man named Jahaziel stands up in the middle of the assembly. He appears once in all of Scripture, and then he's gone. He says the line everybody knows: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."

Most of the time, we stop reading there because it's the comforting part. The battle isn't mine. Wonderful. I can put it down.

But keep going. Two verses later, God tells them what to do next: "Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you." And the next morning, they get up, and they walk out to the Desert of Tekoa, and they stand in a battle line facing an army they have just been told they will not have to fight.

Think about what that asked of them. The outcome was already settled. God said so. But they still had to get dressed, and get in line, then march out into the desert, and stand there.

The battle was not theirs, but the showing up was.

The Monday morning after Taylor’s funeral, I thought my only options were to fix something or to quit. But nobody was asking me to fix it. Taylor was gone, and no amount of getting up would bring her back.

However, there were clothes to wash and groceries to buy. Floors that had to be cleaned. 

I wish I could tell you I found some deep truth standing in that kitchen, but I didn't. I found laundry. And the laundry did not care that my daughter had died, and it did not mean anything, and I did it anyway. That was my position. It was the only one available to me that day, and it was so small I almost didn't recognize it as obedience to God’s plan and purpose. As long as you are breathing, life has meaning.

Matt would come home. The kids would come home. There would be dinner and homework, and someone would need something from me, and I would be there, because I had stayed on my feet long enough to be there.

Getting up was not a triumph. It was Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday. Life remained hard for a long time. But I got a little stronger, and then a little stronger after that. Things didn’t get easier, but you can grow stronger in His strength.

If today is one of those days, God is not asking you to win this. You're not going to fix what happened, and I won't promise your story ends the way Judah's did. 

But can I ask you to take your ground today? Maybe it’s just the laundry, but it's the right next step.

Judah walked out to Tekoa before they knew how it would end. They took their positions in the dark. They stood on the word of a man they'd never heard of and walked in obedience. 

The outcome was God's.

As I’ve recently heard a preacher share, “God is still large and in charge.”

Let's Pray

Heavenly Father,

I want to stop. You know that. I've been holding this together, and I'm not sure why anymore. Today, the thought of doing one more day of it feels like more than I have.

Lord, I confess I've been trying to fix something You never asked me to fix. I've been measuring my faithfulness by whether things are getting better, and they're not, so I've decided I must be failing.

But You told Judah the battle wasn't theirs, and then You told them to get up and take their positions anyway. So the standing must mean something. The showing up must be worth something, even when nothing in me wants to do it.

Help me take my position today. Set my feet on the floor, the next thing, and the people in this house, or community, or church who need me, even when I have nothing to give them.

You have not asked me to win. You have asked me to stand. Give me what I need to do that, and let it be enough.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Today is September 21, Taylor's birthday. She's celebrating in heaven, and so I got up this morning to do whatever God places on my path. Happy birthday, sweet girl. 

Don’t miss this:

If you're still praying and starting to wonder if it's working, I wrote Praying Through Life's Battles: 90 Days to Strengthen Your Faith for you. You can order it now at battleprayers.com. Until next time, remember, God sees you, hears you, and He knows your needs.

Discuss today’s devotional with others in the Your Daily Prayer thread on the Crosswalk Forum.

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/RunPhoto

Rachel Wojo is an inspirational author, public speaker, and podcaster known for her popular blog, rachelwojo.com. Through her biblical approach and personal life experiences, Rachel empowers women to discover strength and hope in everyday situations. Despite enduring the loss of her mother, adult special needs daughter, and father, Rachel remains resilient. She has authored the uplifting book,  Desperate Prayers: Embracing the Power of Prayer in Life's Darkest Moments  and recently released the 90-day devotional, Praying through Life’s Battles. Rachel is crazy in love with her husband, Matt, and cherishes her motherhood with six children on earth and two in heaven.

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