“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” - Psalm 73:26
If you are a widow or widower, welcome to the club. A club I certainly never signed up for but was forced into, nonetheless. Losing a spouse is undeniably heart-wrenching. The sting of loss penetrates every core of our lives and every hidden corner of our hearts. We are forced to navigate life solo, without the one person who promised to be there with us.
Everything in our life is flipped upside down, from how we budget, do laundry and shop to how we dream about the future and spend our weekends. It all comes to a screeching halt. Many will not understand this type of loss which increases loneliness. We may desire to be isolated as we may feel disconnected from the outside world. We feel uncomfortable around other couples and families, as it only exaggerates our loss. We are left to pick up the pieces of a life destroyed in hopes that one day the pieces may begin to fall back into place, creating a new life and new existence.
But even in all this heartache, we have a loving God that intimately knows our loss and the inevitable sorrow that follows. He loves us, cares for us, and experiences heartbreak right along with us. We live in a fallen world full of pain and heartache, but God is bigger than all we experience, and we can trust that He will sit with us in our pain and give us the strength we need to heal.
Dear Lord, The loss I feel is overwhelming. It is sucking the life right out of my lungs, leaving me gasping for relief. I feel distant, alone, and forgotten. I didn’t know pain like this could penetrate a human being, even as they still live and breathe.
Sit with me in my pain, Jesus. Help me to see that I am not alone. Comfort me as only you can. I am unable to see a future for myself. I can’t comprehend a life without my spouse. I am facing feelings of anger, anxiety, and depression. I don’t understand why I must go through this, but I trust that you are bigger than what I am experiencing.
Your word promises comfort in times of sorrow. When you walked on the earth you experienced grief and loss. You suffered on the cross and are no stranger to pain. Help me to feel your presence. Help me to see past the daunting loneliness and begin to imagine a new life. Comfort me, Lord. Give me peace as I lay to rest and help me not to relive the trauma that has me bound in fear. Help me to see past this pain and put a smile on my face once more. Lead me to new life, new love, new experiences, and a new existence as a survivor of life-changing loss.
I believe that the earthly pain that I am suffering is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed when I too am with you in heaven. (Romans 8:18) You are my sole source of strength. Help me to not rely on early things to numb the pain or prolong my suffering. Help me to face all the hard milestones head-on, in hopes that there will be joy on the other side.
I know you have a plan for me in my pain. I believe that you will be with me as I stand up from this grief and begin a new journey in healing. You will use this pain for your glory and use me to comfort others who experience this horrendous loss. Help me to connect with others with a similar loss. Lead me to a community in which I can rely on and confide.
When the time has passed, help me to look back and see your hand in the building of my new life. Help me to heal well and be filled with hope only found in you. I can do all things through you Jesus who gives me strength. (Phil 4:13) Amen.
Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at thebreathingmama.com, sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@breathingmamalife) to learn more.
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